NEUR0vanity

Two Big Things

Got the Crest Whitestrips in, and I'm ready to rock.

1. I'm back in my treatment group. That was pretty emotional.

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Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?

I got kicked out of my fucking treatment group tonight.

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Fighting Cross-Addiction

Remember that you are not cured.

That's what the bulleted point read on the yellow outline for how to prepare my testimony (which I delivered on June 30 at Peace Church in Eagan). I am not immune to cravings; they are to be expected. What I did not expect was the voracity of my addiction. It is not limited to chemical dependency. It is a compulsion that exists within me, a nagging urge to soothe myself in unhealthy ways.

When an addiction manifests itself in a new form, that's called cross-addiction. And that's what I've been struggling with.

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Sanity: What would you do for it?

When I got involved in recovery, I thought the goal was sobriety. I figured that as long as I wasn't drinking or using, I was doing all that was expected of me.

As it turns out, that's not the case.

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God and Satan: Who's got the mic?

I've come to believe that God speaks through people. It's a common belief of those with faith, as I gather from conversation with other Christians. Where I'm struggling is figuring out who's actually talking when others are running their mouths. Is this a message I need to heed? Or is the Devil planting seeds of doubt with the ultimate goal of leading me back to him?

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Not every nice guy is a Thirteenth-Stepper

On Thursday night (5/8), I went to a meeting with my roommate H. Given my limited license that does not allow me to legally drive to unapproved AA meetings, we walked over to the bus stop, cigarettes betwixt fingers, and took the bus a few blocks over and then transfered for a straight shot up Nicollet. I didn't realize that one could reach Minneapolis from Richfield/Bloomington without taking the interstate and putting up with all that commotion. Then again, the only time I drove to Minneapolis was to get drunk or get naked, often both and at the same time, in Downtown where I worked as a stripper through the summer and fall of 2007.

The meeting was starting at 7:30. It was about 7:00 when H and I got there, so we popped into a Bobby & Steve's where she got two sugar-free Rockstars, and I loaded up on three Her energy drinks and some microwaveable stir-fry. After eating, drinking, and smoking like sober gluttons (I speak for myself), we headed across Nicollet to the meeting.

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